Stuff

Yes, I realize I've been conspicuously absent from this blog. But it was Nikko's idea and I figured I'd let her see how hard it is to write interesting copy day in and day out. But since we're mere months away from a tiny living being showing up to call me Dad, I figured it was time to chime in. So here's what I'm going to rant about: stuff.

We made our first joint trip to Babies 'r Expensive this weekend to test drive some strollers. How a product can be both so completely over-engineered and almost totally inoperable at the same time blows me away. But what really shocked me wasn't the fact that it took an advanced degree in mechanical engineering to fold a stroller, it was the sheer amount of crap that people think is necessary to raise a kid these days.

There were swings, and bouncy things, and play pens - which apparently aren't really for playing because you also are expected to buy "play centers" the kids lay on with dangling things overhead, and gigantic plastic monstrosities featuring every imaginable stimuli. There were so many colors, sounds and cartoon animals it made me feel like I was taking magic mushrooms while in the Alice in Wonderland section of Disney World. There were high chairs and short chairs you put on a table, and walkers and some contraption that looked like it belonged in a Teletubby S&M chamber.

It's no wonder this generation of kids grows up with no attention spans. We expose them to so much, so quickly, their little brains become the equivalent of a meerkat on crack.

My question is, do we really NEED all this stuff? My parents (and Nikko's parents) certainly didn't have a standard stoller and a jogging stroller and an umbrella stroller for when they travelled and had to pack light. My brother and sister didn't grow up deficient because they didn't have a 47-piece crib entertainment center complete with iPod dock and Bob the Builder figures. Does my kid need $65 Nikes that they'll grow out of in 2 weeks? Does she need a $1000 crib that she'll use for 6 months? Hell, my last bed costs less than that and I had it for 10 years.

So all I ask is this. Don't go crazy on our kid. I know it's exciting and all, but before you go run out and buy her the Fisher Price Rain Forest Jumparoo or the Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing, ask yourself if we'd do better not paying good money for a planet-killing hunk of plastic junk and instead donating $50 to her college fund.

Now if you'll excuse me, I had 84 dog toys in the living room to go pick up...